I said I’d never write about you again,
but I suppose I’m just as good at lying
as I am at leaving.
I’ve forgotten what your voice sounds like.
I always criticized you for not letting go,
as if the weights around my ankles
weren’t made of my faults
and everything I wish I could take back.
You told me today that
you’ve found love again.
I hope he finds flowers growing
from all the cracks I created
in your heart.
I hope he sees galaxies
in the darkened voids
I left behind your eyes.
I hope he understands
that you are full of splintered doors
on rusted hinges
that need to be loved and not repaired.
I hope he is nothing like me.
I’m sorry my words left scars.
I’m sorry my silence
reopened them constantly.
I’m sorry I was too busy
instead of loving you.
I want you to promise me something. And I don’t care if you don’t know me, like me, or like making promises in general. Just do it.
Promise me that you will keep on living, even when everything is futile.
I want you to forgive yourself for the things that you’ve done. I want you to forgive yourself for the things that you should have done. Forgive yourself, even when you don’t think you deserve it.
I want you to love yourself for all that you are and all that you are not. I want you to love yourself, even if no one else does. You do not need the validation from another human being in order to know your worth. You do not need others to love you in order to show you that you are worth loving. The love that you develop for yourself is more than enough. Love yourself enough to stand on your own, without depending on the love of anyone else.
So stop injecting drugs to avoid reality. Stop with the pills and the cutting. Stop with the thoughts on jumping off a building and hanging yourself. Stop hating yourself and regretting about the past. Stop with the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘should have beens.’ And don’t you dare pull that trigger. Stop.
Stop and love yourself. It is the least you can do for you.
Let me make you happy.
I know that she hurt you and that it’s hard for you to trust people but I want a chance to treat you right. I’ll hold you when you sleep and kiss you when you’re sad. I’ll write you little notes and I promise to always tell you how great you are. I’ll never try and make you jealous or play with your heart.
Just give me a chance and I promise to love you better than anyone else ever could.